This is an excerpt from a speech given by Anthony de Mello, an Indian Jesuit Priest who died in 1987.
The great Socrates said "The unaware life is not worth living." That's a self-evident truth. Most people don't live aware lives. They live mechanical lives, mechanical thoughts- generally somebody else's- mechanical emotions, mechanical actions, mechanical reactions. Do you want to see how mechanical you are?
"My that's a lovely shirt you are wearing!"
You feel good just hearing that. For a shirt, for heaven's sake! You feel proud of yourself when you hear that. People come to my center in India and they say "what a lovely place, these lovely trees" (for which I am not responsible at all), "this lovely climate." And already I am feeling good, until I catch myself and I say "hey, can you imagine anything as stupid as what I am doing right now?" I'm not responsible for those trees; I wasn't responsible for choosing the location. I didn't order the weather; it just happened. But "me" got in there, so I am feeling good. I feel good about "my" culture, "my" nation, "my" political party, "my" church. How stupid can you get? I mean that. I am told my culture has produced many wise mystics. I didn't produce them. I am not responsible for them. Or they tell me "the poverty of your country is disgusting." I feel ashamed. I'm not responsible. What's going on? Did you ever stop to think?
People say "you are very charming" so I feel wonderful and I write a silly book called "I'm O.K., You're O.K.". One day I will write a book and the title will be "I'm an Ass, You're an Ass." That's the most liberating, wonderful thing in the world, when you openly admit you are an ass. It's wonderful. Then, when people tell me "you're wrong" I reply, "Well, what can you expect of an ass?"
Disarmed. Everybody must be disarmed. In the final liberation, I am an ass, you're an ass. Normally the way it goes, I press a button and you're happy, I press another and you're sad. And you like that, because you persist in it! How many people do you know that are unaffected by praise or blame? That isn't human, we say. Human means you have to be a little monkey, so that when anyone twists your tail, you do what you ought to be doing. But is that human? No.
If you find me charming, it means you are in a good mood right now, nothing more. It also means that I fit your shopping list. We all carry a list around, and its as if each of us must measure up to another's list. Tall, dark, handsome, thin, pretty...."I like the sound of your voice" some say. "I am in love" you say. You are not in love, you silly ass. Anytime you declare you are in love, you are being particularly asinine. You are conditioned to put your happiness in others. You are only in love with your prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person. Sit down and observe what is happening to you. You are running away from yourself. You are trying to escape. Thank God for reality, and for the means to escape from it.
So that's what's going on. We are mechanical, controlled. We write books about being controlled, and how wonderful it is to be controlled, and how important it is for people to tell you you're okay. Then you can feel good about yourself. How wonderful to be in your monkey cage! Know this: when you let yourself feel good when people tell you you are good, you are preparing to feel bad when they tell you you are bad- or when they fail to tell you you're good. You live to fulfill the expectations of others. Watch what you wear, how your hair is done, suck in your belly. You live to live up to every damned expectation of another, and you call that human?
When you sit and really observe yourself, you'll be horrified. The fact of the matter is that you are neither okay nor not okay. You may fit the current mood, trend, or fashion- does that mean you have become okay? Does your okayness depend on that? Does it depend on what others think of you? Jesus Christ must have been pretty "not okay" by your standards. The Pharisee was not an evil man, he was a stupid man, because he thought the way you think. So- you are not okay, and you are not not okay, you are you! Cut out the judgements, observe, and learn. You'll make great discoveries. These discoveries will change you without you having to make the slightest effort.