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This is an excerpt from a speech given by Anthony de Mello, an Indian Jesuit Priest who died in 1987.
The great Socrates said "The unaware life is not worth living." That's a self-evident truth. Most people don't live aware lives. They live mechanical lives, mechanical thoughts- generally somebody else's- mechanical emotions, mechanical actions, mechanical reactions. Do you want to see how mechanical you are?
"My that's a lovely shirt you are wearing!"
You feel good just hearing that. For a shirt, for heaven's sake! You feel proud of yourself when you hear that. People come to my center in India and they say "what a lovely place, these lovely trees" (for which I am not responsible at all), "this lovely climate." And already I am feeling good, until I catch myself and I say "hey, can you imagine anything as stupid as what I am doing right now?" I'm not responsible for those trees; I wasn't responsible for choosing the location. I didn't order the weather; it just happened. But "me" got in there, so I am feeling good. I feel good about "my" culture, "my" nation, "my" political party, "my" church. How stupid can you get? I mean that. I am told my culture has produced many wise mystics. I didn't produce them. I am not responsible for them. Or they tell me "the poverty of your country is disgusting." I feel ashamed. I'm not responsible. What's going on? Did you ever stop to think?
People say "you are very charming" so I feel wonderful and I write a silly book called "I'm O.K., You're O.K.". One day I will write a book and the title will be "I'm an Ass, You're an Ass." That's the most liberating, wonderful thing in the world, when you openly admit you are an ass. It's wonderful. Then, when people tell me "you're wrong" I reply, "Well, what can you expect of an ass?"
Disarmed. Everybody must be disarmed. In the final liberation, I am an ass, you're an ass. Normally the way it goes, I press a button and you're happy, I press another and you're sad. And you like that, because you persist in it! How many people do you know that are unaffected by praise or blame? That isn't human, we say. Human means you have to be a little monkey, so that when anyone twists your tail, you do what you ought to be doing. But is that human? No.
If you find me charming, it means you are in a good mood right now, nothing more. It also means that I fit your shopping list. We all carry a list around, and its as if each of us must measure up to another's list. Tall, dark, handsome, thin, pretty...."I like the sound of your voice" some say. "I am in love" you say. You are not in love, you silly ass. Anytime you declare you are in love, you are being particularly asinine. You are conditioned to put your happiness in others. You are only in love with your prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person. Sit down and observe what is happening to you. You are running away from yourself. You are trying to escape. Thank God for reality, and for the means to escape from it.
So that's what's going on. We are mechanical, controlled. We write books about being controlled, and how wonderful it is to be controlled, and how important it is for people to tell you you're okay. Then you can feel good about yourself. How wonderful to be in your monkey cage! Know this: when you let yourself feel good when people tell you you are good, you are preparing to feel bad when they tell you you are bad- or when they fail to tell you you're good. You live to fulfill the expectations of others. Watch what you wear, how your hair is done, suck in your belly. You live to live up to every damned expectation of another, and you call that human?
When you sit and really observe yourself, you'll be horrified. The fact of the matter is that you are neither okay nor not okay. You may fit the current mood, trend, or fashion- does that mean you have become okay? Does your okayness depend on that? Does it depend on what others think of you? Jesus Christ must have been pretty "not okay" by your standards. The Pharisee was not an evil man, he was a stupid man, because he thought the way you think. So- you are not okay, and you are not not okay, you are you! Cut out the judgements, observe, and learn. You'll make great discoveries. These discoveries will change you without you having to make the slightest effort.
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3 comments:
This is an interesting post. In "How to Win Friends and Influence People" Carnegie talks about human beings deep seated need for being honestly appreciated. It is true that we can't let how we are feeling be dictated by external circumstances, and that we should gain our self worth from an honest inventory of ourselves. But we cannot discount the role that others (particularly family and close friends) and our relationships with them play in our overall happiness.
Adam fell that men might be. Men are that they might have joy. I've found this joy almost exclusively in those who are closest to me.
Great point, Trevor. I think for people like you and I, with people close to us that are a source of strength and support, we can't help but feel blessed by people in our lives. Sadly though, we develop many codependent relationships that can plague us if we let them. Most often it is because we approach these relationships with a feeling that we should be getting something from them, instead of giving something to them, and thereby prevent ourselves from experiencing the joy of which you speak. I think step one is understanding that our happiness isn't dependent on what others think about us. From there we can find ourselves on happy, higher ground and lift others up to us if they are willing. It's good to know someone out there reads my blog.
E
Its amazing how we let others dictate and control our life, how to put us in a good or in a bad mood, feeding our egos or maybe crushing them, making us question ourselves.
We clutter our minds and lives with compliments, achievements, possessions, letting them completely take us over shaping our personalities, our success, happiness or failure. It is a very hard thing to just leave all these thoughts and patterns behind or aside because is like a tape that has being played over and over thru our entire life. I think the most important thing is to start to noticed them, showing and realizing how OUTSIDE things make us feel better (like walking out of a Starbucks with your starbucks logo cup filled with that $5 coffee) a piece of heaven, status or happiness.
We are definitely like a pure crystal that assumes shapes and colors of objects placed near it. You need to clear the sky first from the clouds to start seeing what is really happening.
As a great mentor once said to me "It's not important how you are, is more important how you are with how you are"
Thank you for posting things that are so worth to be read.
~M
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